Welcome to My Journal!

It's about time I made a post like this, I mean it's only been three years, right?

Hello everyone! Welcome and thank you for talking a look at my journal. Here's where I'll post all of my Smosh fanfiction and a bit further down you'll find a complete list of all of my fanfictions.

Kama Sutra

You're Gonna Love LA
Trapped (Warning: suicide trigger, character death)
Those Troublesome Glasses
And Then There's Mari (Ian/Mari)
Encounters in the Dark

Movie Night
The Joke's On You
Be Thankful for Treehouses
Follow Me
Evil Eyes
Sweater Ian
Stuck on You
Dixon Cider
The Last to Know
A Drunken Predicament
So it's a Deal Then
First Impressions
The Help We Need
Almost There
Here With You
That Awkward Moment (Ian/Anthony/Mari)
President Evil (Anthony/Obama)
Just a Text Away (Ian/David)
Chocolate Cake
Either I'm Drunk or You're Hot

Bittersweet Vengeance (Ian/David)
Christmas Crack!
True Confessions
Fictionally Frustrated
Lonely Here Without You
What Are Friends For
Why Aren't You Here...
The Prank
Father's Day
Their Last Goodbye
Still A Better Love Story
Love Cookies

Chapter Fics:
Awesome Shorts! (1) (2)*
That Damn Cookie (1) (2)
Five Stages (prologue) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Incidents (1) (2)*
The Past Catches Up (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)
Magic Brownies (1) (2) (3) (4)*
Are They Gay (1) (2)
A Drunken Predicament (1) (2)* (Anthony/Dan Howell)
Halloween (1) (2) (3)
Dimentions (Kalel/Anthony) (1) (2)


Almost There (An Explanation)

The Help We Need

           An interesting thing happened to Melissa the other day. The twenty-six-year old had just gotten adjusted to living with her new husband Paul in a nice three-bedroom home on the outskirts of the city, away from the cold, uninviting grittiness she’d come to associate with such a place in the past. That didn’t necessarily mean she’d lived there, but she did grow up very close in a small suburb nearby with her little brother, Ian, and their two parents and she had formed a type of stigma against it from every visit there. She seemed to take a liking to living in this new area, however, glossing over some more minor details that negatively reflected some of the less appealing aspects of it, such as the amount of dogs in the neighborhood that howled after dark, or how the lack of streetlamps made it virtually impossible to go for a walk at night; something she did to clear her mind and feel at ease in her old neighborhood, but she researched the crime rates and found it to be safe, thankfully. She convinced herself these minor setbacks were worth it, especially with how close they were to a promising-looking elementary school. They didn’t have kids yet, but it put her at ease knowing she was prepared for when the day finally came, which was the essentially the reason buying a house with a third bedroom was necessary. She convinced Paul it would be a guest room, not wanting to fully spring the idea of children on him just yet, though they both knew it was only inevitable that she would one day become blessed with their first child.

           Before that day had yet come, however, something interesting did indeed happen to the twenty-four-year-old interior decorator as previously mentioned. It was on that day she had gotten a phone call from her younger brother, Ian. The phone call itself wasn’t really the interesting aspect of the situation, but what he had said to her that warm spring afternoon.

           “Melissa, it’s Ian,” the younger sibling in his late teens quavered in a low voice through the speaker.

She immediately sensed something was distressing him but didn’t want to press on too much at first, knowing how much Ian would deny anything’s wrong if she brought up her suspicions too quickly. “Hey, little bro. Long time, no chat. What’s up?” She tried to maintain a warm, comforting air to her voice. He didn’t call very often in the past, but it was usually when he wanted to complain about their father or he needed someone to vent to about his usual high-school drama issues. Melissa didn’t mind though because she found herself doing the same thing at times, though not nearly as often as Ian had begun to in the recent weeks, like when he recently began going off on his own in his car and coming home late. Melissa had almost forgotten about it all after moving out and into the new house.

“Oh…” He trailed off, not really knowing how to put his thoughts into words. “Not much I guess,” he sighed. “How are you and Paul doing in the new place?”

Melissa really wasn’t prepared for such a mundane question especially with how his tone of voice earlier indicated a slight hint of alarm as though he was eventually leading up to something. “We’re doing pretty well. It’s been quite a month getting everything unpacked and arranged around the house. We even went furniture shopping last week to get some of the nice matching sofas to go with the rug mom gave us,” she smiled into the phone, hoping her normal banter would ease him from whatever was burdening him.

“Oh,” Ian exclaimed almost with surprise, “That’s cool…” he trailed off as though he was at a loss on how to continue.

            “Something’s troubling you, isn’t it?” As soon as the words left her mouth she heard a pause on the other line and heard Ian go from his light-hearted placid mood back to a state of unease as he sighed wearily.

“Yeah, it is. Look Mel. I kind of got myself in a bad situation right now. Well… by ‘kind of’ I mean a really bad situation,” he muttered shamefully.

She clutched the phone a little tighter. “What is it, Ian?” Her mind began to race with all sorts of dramatic scenarios but came to a halt when he began to reply.

“So last night Dad and I got into another fight and… well, he kicked me out of the house…”

“Dad kicked you out of the house? Why?! What happened?” she asked, confused as to what would make their father go to such extremes. She knew they would get into petty arguments, sometimes over trivial things, like when Ian would stay over at his friend Anthony’s house late without calling, but none of these family squabbles ever drove him into doing something so drastic.  She paused when a thought came to her mind that she almost didn’t want to believe. “Ian, were you doing something illegal?” she asked suspiciously.

“What? No! Melissa, you know me! I’m not into drugs and partying and all that crap.” He hesitated before going on. “Look, it’s not important why right now. I promise I’ll tell you later. I just… have a favor to ask of you.” Before he continued she already had some idea of what he was trying to ask and braced herself. “I was wondering, you know, since you have a spare bedroom and all, if I can stay with you and Paul for a while. Just for a little while until I can convince dad to let me back in the house.” He mumbled the last part and she could feel the shame in his voice resonating through the receiver in her hand.

“Ian…” she sighed with a slight hint of caring frustration. “You know I wouldn’t say no to you. Of course you can stay with us.” She felt a little uneasy not knowing the full details of the argument, but she made a promise to herself to always look out for him no matter what problems were to arise and she trusted him.

           She also hoped Paul wouldn’t be too upset about the decision, however. For one thing he and Ian really didn’t know each other very well, only really seeing each other at occasional family dinners their mother invited him to and the wedding, of course. She would bring the up with him later today and hope for the best. Ian was grateful and they decided to discuss the terms even further after she got home from her errands. She really hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake doing this but Ian had said he would stay at his friend Anthony’s house until she was ready to have him over. Paul wasn’t the type to overreact, but she envisioned him becoming angry or upset at her, probably because she tends to worry too much. “It’s just until he can get back on his feet,” she whispered to herself. Her obligation to her family was important to her, but so was her commitment to her new husband. Hopefully When Ian called back later that night he would be able to explain more about what happened to help her get a better perspective.

           Later that night after Paul had come home from work, Melissa brought up the subject of her family at the dinner table. “My mom really took a liking to you, especially after the birthday gift we sent her.”

Paul grinned and chuckled. “I knew she’d love the bromeiliad plant to add to her giant collection of awesome plants in her yard. She needed something a little more exotic to make them stand out more.”

Melissa giggled. “I bet that was your plan all along, wasn’t it?”

He raised his arms in a “you-got-me” stance and smirked.

She brushed her sandy blonde hair out of her face and looked up from her plate. The question burned on the tip of her tongue and she cleared her throat. “So, Sweetheart. I know we just moved in here together and things are going great so far, but I wanted to ask you about something that’s come up.” She didn’t want to scare him off by making it sound dramatic; she wanted to ease him into it and be as casual as possible. “You of course know my little brother Ian. Well, I got a phone call from him earlier today.” Slow and easy, she thought to herself. “He got into a little a bit of a disagreement with our dad. I guess things got a bit out of hand and he ended up kicking him out of the house despite my mother’s wishes.”

He looked a little surprised. “Ian? I thought he was a good kid. What did he do?”

“I’m not really sure, but it seems like it was some misunderstanding or something. I do trust him enough to know he didn’t try anything stupid. Right now, though, he doesn’t have a home so he asked me if he could use the spare bedroom while he straightened everything out.” Melissa waited to hear his response as her bright azure eyes became transfixed to her plate of half-eaten pasta below. “I just don’t want him to feel like he has to go through this alone and we’re hoping to talk our dad into letting him back in the house.” She had laid out the cards. Hopefully now she had a winning hand. Paul studied her a moment.

“How long are we talking about, Melissa?” He didn’t seem upset, but she still felt tense.

“Maybe a week or two at most.” Truthfully she wasn’t sure but she figured she could talk things out with them and get it all worked out. “Probably less.”

He seemed to be mulling it over for a moment then finally agreed. “It’s okay with me, ‘Lissa. I trust you know what you’re getting into,” he added with a chuckle. His humorous reply put her at ease.

She breathed a small sigh of relief. “Honey, relax. It’s just Ian, after all. I know how to handle my own little brother, even if he is just a seventeen-year-old kid. He wouldn’t just be hanging around either. I can have him help out around the house a bit too.”

           After the agreement at dinner the phone rang and she knew it was Ian.

“Mel, it’s me.” He sounded urgent.

“Ian, what’s wrong?” She immediately asked, fearing something else had happened.

“Oh, um… I was wondering if you talked to Paul about it yet.”

“I have and he said it was okay.” She heard him sigh heavily in relief.

“Oh, thank God. I owe you guys so much, you have no idea. Thank you so much, Mel. I promise I’ll try not to be a burden on either of you.”

Melissa felt a sudden feeling of elation from Ian’s words. Just the fact that he was so grateful about her decision made her feel content.

           It was only a few days later after that phone call that Ian was now standing at her doorstep with a backpack and two duffel bags.

“I hope you don’t mind if I park there,” he said eyeing his dark blue Subaru in the driveway. “No, come on in.” He stepped in and was greeted to the light scent of lavender in the air. The inside was bright from the large glass sliding doors and ivory, tan, and mossy green furniture. It was much different than he was used to.

“This is really nice,” he mumbled in awe.

He was knocked out of his trance when he felt Melissa latch onto him in a tight hug. “Baby brother,” she giggled as she embraced him for the first time since she moved out.

“Hey, whoa,” he laughed along. “Can I at least set my stuff down?” He tried to hug back, but was immobilized with all the belongings in his arms.

“Let me show you to your room. Hurry up!”

She grasped one of the bags from his hand and led him down the hallway to the empty room on the left. Inside the walls were a light cream color and cardboard boxes were stacked along the wall. The window opened up to a view of the backyard which was lush with green grass and newly planted tulips along a wooden picket fence. “Sorry it’s kind of a mess in here. We’re still getting everything cleaned up and we’ve been using this room for storage in the meantime. There’s a futon in the corner you can sleep on and I can bring one of the lamps from the living room in here if you need more light.”

Ian smiled warmly to his sister’s hospitality. “This is more than enough, sis. Thank you.” He placed his duffle bag and backpack next to where she set his other one and gave her a proper hug now that his hands were free. “Thank you,” he whispered.

She hugged him back and laughed awkwardly. “You can stop thanking me! It’s getting embarrassing now.”

He released her and grinned. “I can say it a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough!”

           His bright blue eyes twinkled with a gentle glow, and she knew he sincerely meant it. “Ian, I wanna know what happened with you and dad. Why did he kick you out? Why did mom let him?” She felt his uplifted mood sink as the smile faded from his pale, lightly freckled face. She motioned for him to sit down on the firm Ikea futon.

He looked down at his wrists and held them close to his stomach almost as though he held some kind of deep fear. “Last week dad found me and Anthony smoking pot in my room…”

Melissa had to wait a moment to let the thought of her brother doing drugs sink in. “H-he kicked you out of the house because of that?” She didn’t think he would flat out banish him from their home over just that. “You said earlier that you didn’t do drugs though.”

“Hey! Marijuana’s not a drug,” he shot back defensively. “…And besides, that was only part of the reason he kicked me out of the house,” he murmured while resuming his previous state of despondency. As if that wasn’t difficult enough to admit, now there was more to the story than she had previously thought. His breaths became short and shallow as he tried to swallow the forming lump invading his throat. “He… found out about me and Anthony... That’s why he kicked me out.” He slunk low into his seat and tightly shut his eyes.

“What do you mean ‘found out’ about you and Anthony? What are you talking about?”

Ian took in a shaky breath before going on, reluctant to continue. “He found out Anthony’s my boyfriend,” he softly replied.

Melissa didn’t really know how to respond but her brain began filling with questions like “Why didn’t you tell me,” and “Dad’s a homophobe?” but she sat speechless for a moment.

“You’re gay…” she said barely above a whisper.

How did I not see it?

Ian didn’t move, like he was trying to suppress all emotion. She knew he needed her right now. She pulled him in close. “Ian, I’m here. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you, little bro.”

He smiled again at her promise to protect him. “Thanks, sis.”



Anthony covered his ears and groaned. "Dude! Shut the fuck up! You'll wake the dead with that god-awful singing." Ian continued to belt out lyrics at the top of his lungs and Anthony sighed. He tried to pay attention to the toothpaste commercial instead but Ian swooped down and pulled him off the couch sending the two spinning around the room as Ian danced.


Anthony felt himself in Ian's embrace as they nearly avoided crashing into the table. "Dude!" Anthony cried out from the shock. Ian gripped his hand and thigh and stared waltzing with him, despite it being completely out of place with the song.

"You. Can. Take..." He stopped dancing and paused for effect. "MY BREATH AWAY!" He began dancing again, pulling Anthony all over the living room then spinning him around again.

"Let me go, Ian!" Anthony tried to say but was cut off when Ian came a little too close to his ear.

"Would you swear that you'll always be mine?" Ian whispered into his ear hotly.

Anthony felt his stomach get queasy and he stuttered. "W-what are you..."

"Or would you lie?"

Anthony didn't know if he had to answer the lyric that was breathed into his ear but he suddenly felt lightheaded.

"I-Ian... that's enou-"

Ian pulled back and looked deep into his eyes with a dejected look that would've brought puppies to shame. "Would you run and hide? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?" Anthony's mouth hung open, unable to form a reply as he gazed into Ian's heartbroken eyes. Then he smiled at the taller of the two, a small, yet sad smile. "I don't care... You're here tonight," Ian sang softly.

Anthony felt his heart thumping wildly as Ian held him in his arms, their faces just mere inches apart, their eyes locked together in a powerful gaze that made him think insanely irrational thoughts, the most prominent one being to lean closer to Ian. The burning under his skin swept through his cheeks like electricity and he felt no control over himself as he slowly began leaning into his best friend.

Just as he was about to do something he might regret, Ian suddenly released him and spun around, falling to the floor dramatically and clenching his fists tightly. "I can be your hero, baby!" He bellowed while on his knees. "I can kiss away the pain..." Anthony finally snapped out of his trance and saw Ian singing to no one in particular loudly again. He felt a little... dejected for some reason. "I will stand by you forever!" Ian stood up. He still had his eyes closed and his fists balled over his chest. "You can take my breath away."

Without wasting a second Anthony found his lips over Ian's, causing him to gasp against his mouth and his bright blue eyes to shoot open. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, then Anthony pulled away from his shocked video partner who remained speechless and wide-eyed.

"Guess that took your breath away," Anthony grinned.


It was during lunch when Ian first saw it. Anthony walked into the kitchen where Ian was and it was then that he noticed how Anthony walked. Different from how he used to, like he was more careful... or constipated. They finished up eating the last of their Chipotle and Ian said there was cake the neighbor brought over in the fridge they could have for dessert, but Anthony shook his head.

"No cake for me, Ian. I have something... even better," he smirked with a strange glint in his eye. Anthony licked his lips and stood up, his hands trailing down to the zipper of his pants while he kept his eyes fixed on Ian.

"What are y-" Ian trailed off, his eyes were transfixed on Anthony's hands as he unzipped his pants and reached into them. "DUDE."

That's when he whipped it out. It was long, thick, and red with a bright glossy sheen. It made a WUMP! sound as Anthony let it lay flat on the table top. Ian couldn't take his eyes off of it. "Holy crap," he whispered in awe. Anthony nodded, biting his tongue while he smiled.

"You like what you see?" He said in a low husky voice.

"I...I've never seen one so long and thick," Ian said astonished. "Can I...touch it? Please!"

Anthony suddenly had a possessive look on his face and he grabbed it in both hands. "No! This is my trouser snake! Not yours!"

"Awe! Come on, man! I just wanna hold it for a second!" Ian pled with his friend who had pulled it out of his pants even more.

"Yeah right! You just wanna lick. I know you, Ian Hecox. You wanna lick it and suck on it like this!" Anthony suddenly pulled it up high and began kissing the head, making slurping and sucking noises as he moaned. His tongue flared over the top and went up and over the sides leaving a shining glossy trail where it traveled. He kissed the tip again then his mouth went over the entire head. "Mmmm..." He hummed as he bobbed over it, tongue flattening on the red surface until he pulled it out making a smacking pop as he let it drop. His cheeks were flushed and small droplets of saliva had sputtered onto the table.

Ian was frozen, wide-eyed and was completely engrossed in every action Anthony had done.

"Tastes like cherry," he smiled, licking his red stained lips.

"Anthony..." Ian quavered. "I've never wanted a gummy snake in my mouth more in my entire life."

Anthony stepped closer, pulling it out of his pants completely. "Do you wanna lick it?" he murmured hotly. "Do you want to suck on my snake, Ian? Let your tongue taste the tangy juices and savor every second of deliciousness and pleasure it brings you?" Ian nodded furiously and Anthony smiled, holding it out. "Put my snake in your mouth and suck it, Hecox."

Ian's tongue darted out and grazed the tip. His lips fell over the top and he abruptly moaned in surprise as Anthony forcefully pushed it fully inside his mouth almost making him gag. Ian couldn't stop himself from bringing his hands over the length of it and allowing drool to drizzle down the corners of his lips. His eyes rolled back and he moaned loudly as he entered a whole new realm of cherry filled ecstasy with Anthony bearing witness to it all. Finally after the moment had reached it's peak, Ian dropped the limp glossy snake from his maw, breathing heavily.


Anthony nodded. "Now you understand. Now you can never go back to anything smaller because it'll never be as good as this."

"Jesus, holy crap. I wanna do that again!" Ian suddenly exclaimed.

"Whoa, slow down man. I might consider giving you another lick sometime, but for now this is all mine."

Ian watched as Anthony began greedily kissing his gummy snake again, looking up to see Ian's reactions and smiled when he saw nothing but envy in his bright azure eyes.

"No fair. You can't give me a take of forbidden gummy then take it away just like that."

Anthony pulled the girthy length out and smiled. "You want it so bad, come and get it!"

Ian leaped up and grinned hungrily. "Just watch me," he growled and he moved in closer.

Encounters in the Dark

Ian made his way into the kitchen. It was already 3am but he couldn't sleep and it was hotter than hell in the Smosh house. Just as he raised his hand to turn on the light switch he felt a warmth clasp his hand. "Ian..." the voice from the darkness whispered. Ian gasped a bit and felt the hand on his own slide up his arm and up to his bare chest.

"Anthony? W-why are you awake...?"


Ian felt his face begin to heat up and his breathing become still as he allowed Anthony's hand to explore his chest. "Oh, oh God," Ian suddenly felt himself breathe as the wandering hand made its way over the trickles of his stomach and past his chest up toward his surprised hanging jaw. He suddenly felt another force from behind pull him into the warm body in front of him. Anthony's other hand was on his back, feeling it's way over the strong muscles, gently massaging him into submission.

"A-Anth-" Ian squeaked, not sure if in protest or want. The lines were slowly becoming blurred little by little and as each second passed Ian began to feel the heat bubble up from inside from just a small flicker to a burning passion of lust and desire.

"I can't-"

"Yes you can," Anthony finished for him.


Ian's voice was cut off as Anthony's hot breath drew closely toward his lips. He felt his boxers press against Anthony's and hadn't realized the full extent of the firmness that grew within them until it pressed against the other's own length within. A yearning and wistful plea escaped his lips and Ian let out a noise similar to a puppy begging for its master. Ian felt the hand move up from his burning cheek to the back of his hair.

"How bad do you want it?"

Ian gasped as Anthony thrust against his boxers, completely eracing the reply forming in his brain. "I said," Anthony lowered his voice to a husky rumble, "how bad do you fucking want it?"

In the darkness Ian felt the taller man's shadowed face mere centimeters from his own. "I..."


Anthony's lips were ignited and the heat radiated onto his own just a hair away. Ian felt himself become light headed and numb, wanting to make the contact yet waiting for Anthony to make the move.

"No more stalling, Ian," Anthony mouthed practically against his lips. Ian felt the knot in his stomach and shook his head, which now pressed against his friend's sweaty forehead.

“Okay,” Ian began breathlessly. “I want it.”

"I can tell," Anthony smirked as he licked his lips. Ian felt hands press warmly on his torso and fingers delicately crawl onto his hips before flattening around them and pulling him in. Ian shuddered at his touch and his eyes flickered closed as his lips drew near Anthony's. He could feel his heart race as his warm breath blanketed his lips, drawing nearer with a thick feel of lust that made itself known through a low desirous growl. A soft pair of lips pressed themselves against Ian's and Ian felt a wave of arousal flow down his body, straight into his crotch. He involuntarily let out a gasp as their bodies suddenly pressed against each other once again and Anthony began rubbing their slowly hardening erections together, creating a rough friction.

"Holy fuck, Anthony," Ian muttered as he couldn't help but try to press his torso even closer against Anthony's and grind against him on the wall, all the while enveloped in a heavy passionate kiss. Anthony's teeth gently tugged at Ian's bottom lip, dragging it lightly over his them and his tongue slid effortlessly past his lips, nudging Ian's tongue to respond into caressing against it in the same way, then their mouths broke to breathe for half a second before continuing the action once more. Anthony was moving his hands all over Ian's back, massaging lightly before dropping lower to the waistband of his boxers and slipping his thumbs downward along the elastic, pulling them down as the fabric brushed roughly against Ian's cock, making his breathing hitch in the form of a small gasp that made Anthony smirk. Before long Anthony's boxers joined Ian's devil printed ones on the living room floor and bare flesh pressed hotly together, hands rampantly ran through thick hair and dragged over perspiring heated skin while eyes clenched tightly to take in the overwhelming sensations flooding their senses and filling their minds with endorphins.

Ian felt himself shudder and before he knew it, he was pulled onto the couch with his right leg sprawled on the top cushion, the other spread out the opposite side, dangling off the ledge to the carpet below. The dark silhouette of the man above him almost blended in with the darkness, causing his other senses to liven more than before. Ian felt every touch of Anthony's hands enhanced as they slid up his legs to his hips, then his bare chest. The air was heavy with shuddered gasps and breaths all the while thick with the added heat of their perspiring bodies, sticking to the surface of the couch, but not taking from the attention they locked on themselves, as though nothing in their surrounding could stop them from losing focus. Anthony brushed some stray strands behind his ear as he leaned forward onto Ian's body, allowing himself to slow for the first time since this encounter began as his lips began to softly press over Ian's, opening partially and allowing his slick tongue into the parting mouth and greeting his tongue with a soft, caressing nudge that gave them both a mutual feeling of familiarity they've grown accustomed to over the years. He allowed himself to become fully enveloped in the embrace and he quietly moaned as Anthony pressed his body against Ian's, forcing them both to feel the flourishing heat between them steadily grow into a burning flare of desire. Anthony placed a hand on the deepening red of Ian's cheek and rested his forearm on the side of Ian's head, creating an indent on the couch that helped him gain leverage above his partner. The first thrust was painfully slow, slow enough to be a tease that forced a gasp from Ian's lips and his knees to bend back, leading to a soft, desperate whimper that Anthony momentarily ignored to gaze at Ian's perturbed face.

"Please..." Ian was desperate for more of his touch. Anthony was a drug and the dark haired man knew it. Anthony readied his arms on the couch and Ian eagerly anticipated the next thrust. A smile curved the taller man's lip and he pressed himself once more against the male lying under him causing him to utter a sharp gasp from the back of his throat that sent a pulse of pleasure straight to his groin and a weak smile danced on Anthony's lips.

"Enough teasing," Anthony glowered in a low rumble, eyeing Ian's parted lips and dark toned cheeks. Ian's eyes were clenched tightly, concealing their brilliant cerulean blue from view, but when he felt Anthony pulling away, he softened the strain across his face and peeked to find that, to his relief, Anthony hadn't grown tired of their sexual endeavor. He was reaching an arm under the cushion of the couch, feeling for something, then he pulled out what looked like a very familiar almost depleted tube and began unscrewing the cap. Ian licked his lips and stared hungrily as Anthony squirted it's glistening contents onto his fingers, glancing up momentarily at him as he lowered his hand down to Ian's entrance. "Relax. Deep breath." It was the only warning Ian heard before he felt a slick protuberance probe inside him, curling inside him and pushing against the tight walls. He relaxed his muscles as another finger pushed inside, then a third, stretching while lubricating then forcing their way upward deep inside him, hitting a spot that caused his eyes to shoot open and a gasp to quickly escape his lips. "Couldn't resist," Anthony quietly murmured in a teasing voice, elated from the reaction he received. He retracted his hand and added the remaining lubricant over his shaft, aligning himself over the entryway he had just prepped.

Ian gripped the fading leather exterior of the couch with white knuckles and took in a heavy breath. "Fuck me. Hard." Without needing Ian's further consent, Anthony pushed inside of him, going as deep as he could muster on his first try then, planting both hands firmly on each side of his partner, he flickered his eyes shut and began to thrust in a very quickened pace that Ian had grown accustomed to. Beneath him, Ian lifted his pelvis, trying to match the rhythm that Anthony was desperately trying to hold with shuddered breaths and short urgent moans. Beads of sweat formed along his brow and trickled down onto the chest of his partner below and Ian felt himself begin to desire more as his hand reached up onto Anthony's side, trying to pull him closer and bring more of him inside than possible. Anthony lowered himself with the realization of Ian's desire and their mouths met with ravenous, yet clumsily heated kisses that only added fuel to their fiery lust. Both men felt the passion, the hurried cravings for one another course through their bodies. Anthony lifted his head, letting a strangled moan escape his lips as he pressed his elbow into the side of the couch, allowing him to gain more leverage and thrust his body in a more even pace. The adjustment was extremely noticeable to Ian when after the fourth heave he lost control over his voice and yelped loudly as his body was overcome with a sudden ripple of pleasure overpowering his entire body and the blue eyed man gasped and gripped Anthony's hip tight enough to leave a mark, but in his moment of ecstasy he couldn't even acknowledge it. Anthony breathed out a laugh through his heavy panting, knowing he had hit the sweet spot that made his lover squirm and writhe in immense pleasure and he aimed to hit it repeatedly and more importantly, quicker because he delighted in seeing the bearded man down below, gripping him as hard as he can and turning his face away as he squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth partially hanging open, panting and groaning loudly with heavy breaths, the sight of his normally perfectly intact hair matted down with sweat and disheveled, wild strands sticking up everywhere chaotically as Ian entered another realm of bliss. "Ahh...Anth...Anthony...!" Ian could barely muster a sentence in his state and the sight alone was almost enough to bring Anthony to his peak right then and there.

He knew was bringing this pleasure to him. It was an overpowering feeling knowing that he was causing Ian to feel his way and he felt so in control and at the same time it was intoxicating and overwhelming to his senses himself. The pressure continued to build within him and the sensations in his lower half grew immensely and it was the feeling he worked so hard to obtain the most because no drug could ever compare to it. Ian was much further ahead than him, however. His fingers wrapped around his shaft and quickly began to stroke in rhythm with each determined thrust of his partner. He knew Ian was close even before he gasped out the words. There was a tightening around his length that was almost becoming too much for him. "I'm cumming, Anthony!" Ian cried out repeatedly as he reached the pinnacle and with a few last strokes, the shorter of the two shot out a stream that fell thick over his heaving chest. Ian was in the most euphoric state he could be in at that moment and Anthony was nearing it quickly. He lowered himself and began slamming into Ian with such ferocity that Ian had to arch his back once more when Anthony slammed into his prostate.

"Fuck!" Anthony growled out through gritted teeth and the fire burning inside him reached its final stage, peaking into a climatic blaze that surged throughout his entire body. Anthony's seed pumped heavily inside Ian and he held the stance for a moment, relishing the sensation overcoming his body before falling breathlessly on top of his exhausted friend. He moaned in comfort as his hot sticky body melded with Ian's. Ian had long ago loosened his grip on Anthony, now resting a tired arm across his back, holding him close in a gesture Anthony found endearing, yet he didn't speak a word of it.

"You're hot. Get off," Ian mumbled, tapping a finger lightly on Anthony's back, right where a small beauty mark graced him. Anthony groaned, depleted of his energy and fluids, forcing himself upward and slowly pulling out of him.

"That was so hot," he softly smiled and Ian's expression grew into a weak smile as he sat up on the couch. Ian chuckled heartedly and shifted to Anthony's side, his tired blue eyes gazing up at him in agreement and sighed contently.

"Fucking amazing," he whispered and leaned on Anthony's arm. Anthony rested his head on his, clasping his hand and rubbing his thumb over it.

"Fuck yeah."

They spent the rest of their night on the couch, laying contently in each other's arms, dreaming of the moment and hoping the feeling would last forever.


Anthony lay in his cold bed, alone, just looking across to an empty corner then shutting his eyes to sleep again, but to no avail. He breathed a soft sigh and pressed his lips inward, trying to allow sleep to overcome him, but his stomach churned and his mind wouldn't shut off. This wasn't unusual for him. An overwhelming feeling of emptiness overcame him instead and he felt as though he were imprisoned in his own body. Then began the brooding thoughts that seemed to plague him every night.




What are you doing with your life?

Just kill yourself

His eyes clenched shut and he tightly gripped the sheet, enveloping himself in the covers and allowing less oxygen into his lungs.

He hated himself. He hated how he looked. His friends told him he looks great. The fans said he was perfect. Photographers and interviewers said he should be a model. He felt like the world was lying to his face. He changed his hair, fixed his nose, changed his style of clothing, but it didn't satisfy him. He bought games, movies, music, and possessions, but still, he felt nothing. Anything he tried, anything he did, it just didn't bring happiness.

He tried love.

He didn't even think he even genuinely felt it. He dated, sometimes months, sometimes years, yet he felt no spark, and even more importantly, no lasting feelings of contentment from any of it. So he left them all and now here he was. Cold. Alone. Wanted by everyone, but himself.

He would be sorely missed if he died. He knew it was true yet he sometimes convinced himself no one would care. His thoughts often dwelled on things like death. What would happen to the world if he died? How would he die? He'd never take his own life, would he?

He pictured his body mangled and bludgeoned in the center of the living room, or in a filthy alleyway. He often came up with new scenarios of his death, his friends finding his body, or no one finding him for days. What is it like getting stabbed or shot? One of the reoccurring thoughts involved Ian alongside him, the sheer look of terror on his face as a shadowed assailant struck him in the head, causing him to crash onto the concrete floor, the attacker looking in Ian's direction then running off. Anthony lay perfectly still in his bed, mimicking the pose his body would make if that sick fantasy were to become reality. He could almost feel the warm trickles of blood streaming down his head, passing his glazing eyes as the pain became so immense that it overloaded his senses. He'd never experienced something as painful as a fatal blow to the head, so he remembered a time he was a child and he fell off the top of the slide, landing in the dirt below with a crash of immediate pain and the cracking of bone. He used this painful experience to add onto his dark fantasy.

Anthony swallowed as his mind went to his funeral. His body stuffed full of embalming fluids and sawdust while his pale face is covered in makeup because now there wouldn't be any rosiness in those lifeless cheeks. Ian would stand over the coffin, sometimes he'd be in tears, other times he'd have a cold smirk on his face; the kind that made you sick to your stomach. He knew Ian wouldn't be happy to see him die, but nothing could stop the thought from clouding his mind.

Afterward he would be nothing but a distant memory. Video footage, photos, his legacy. It was only destined to be forgotten as the years passed. Even Ian would move on with his life, starting a new career, getting a family, living a full life. All that every person would want out of life.

Only Anthony didn't know what he wanted besides wanting to end it all. The outlook was not like him at all so even if he did kill himself people would question it because for years he had maintained this persona of fake contentment so well that he even fooled himself sometimes. He told himself he would never go through with it, even the nights his heart raced and he held a kitchen knife over a vein. He only pressed lightly, never enough to pierce the skin. Maybe he wanted to experience death because it was something different. It was so final. He'd finally know once and for all the feeling leading up to it up until the final beat of his heart, the final sight, his final thought and emotion. The end, but why?

The urge was there. Anthony pressed his face firmly into his pillow as he lay under black and gray checkered sheets, restricting his air passages. He felt a tightness in his lungs, the compression beginning to swallow him, while his body pled for air. His hands gripped he pillow and he pressed further, feeling his body begin to panic, yet forcing it to heed the irrational desire to end its existence. He began feeling lighter, and heavier at the same time. His mind flashed images of Ian walking into his room and finding the lifeless form of his best friend in bed.

Just a little more...

He was slipping away quickly.

The struggle became less and less after each second then finally it built up to the final moment.

And then finally. Finally there was nothing.

And he was empty once more. 

Dimentions (Ch2)

“Daddy, I can’t sl- Daddy, who’s that?”

Anthony’s mouth hung open in shock.

“D-did that girl just call you… Daddy?” the befuddled tattered-clothed man asked his friend in astonishment.

Ian stepped over to her and scooped her up. “Emily, you remember Daddy’s friend Anthony from those pictures and old videos, right?”

The four-year-old stared at Anthony with a sullen expression then wordlessly nodded. Her brown locks fell over her porcelain-skinned face in the dim light. Anthony was completely at a loss at what to say to her or react other than awkwardly raise his hand up and wave uncomfortably at the child. She didn’t react to his gesture. Her soft, quiet voice echoed in Anthony’s mind with the word “Daddy.”

“Daddy and his friend need to talk for a little bit then I’ll tuck you in, ok baby?” She again nodded with a frown, not taking her hazel eyes off Anthony. He lowered her small-framed body to the ground and reached for a toy on the couch. “Here, play with Jigglypuff for a little while and I’ll be in your room soon.” She grasped the pink plush toy and hurried off back to her room.

Anthony watched her disappear down the hall and awkwardly cleared his throat. Ian turned his attention back to him, suddenly remembering he was standing behind him. “Since when do you have a daughter?” Anthony abruptly asked.

“Since when do you come barging into my house like you live here?” He rebutted slightly annoyed.

“Wait, what?” Anthony recoiled. “I’m your roommate and I live here. And since when do you have a daughter?!” He asked again.

Ian appeared even more upset then scoffed. “What the hell is wrong with you, dude? We haven’t lived together since you quit Smosh five years ago! And please try to keep your voice down, for God’s sake! Emily’s already scared enough as it is.”

Anthony clutched his head trying to make sense of Ian’s words but nothing was computing in his mind. “Ok, none of this is making any sense to me right now. Please believe me! It’s like I have amnesia or something.”

Ian’s face softened a bit and he looked a little sympathetic. “Wait, you don’t remember any of this? The fight we had? Quitting YouTube? None of it?”

Anthony shook his head in his hands. “I have memories, but not of any of those things! I mean I remember hanging out with you two days ago, for fuck’s sake!” Anthony only now noticed Ian’s hair was styled slightly different from when he last saw him. He also had much more facial hair than he did the other day. Hell, it was almost impossible to grow as much as he did right now in the span of two days when he was clean shaven. “This is all so weird,” he muttered helplessly. “I don’t know what’s happening. Please, dude. You gotta help me.”

Ian saw the broken man before him and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing and turning his attention to the dining room table. “I know I shouldn’t even have let you in here over the way you treated me before, but I have some strange nagging feeling that you’re telling the truth, as much as I hate to admit it.” Anthony looked up at him with a pleading look and Ian finally gave in completely. “Alright. I’m willing to put all of it aside just so we could figure out what the hell’s going on. Come on.”

They made their way to the dining room table and sat down facing each other intently. Anthony only now noticed that all the furniture was different. Only the dim light of the kitchen was on but he realized so many things were missing or out of place. The Street Fighter machine was gone, so was the mustache over the hallway. He felt an eerie sense of déjà vu being inside this strange parallel version of his home.

“Okay,” Ian said, resting his hand on Anthony’s shoulder. “Think, Anthony. What’s the last thing you remember doing before things got all weird?” Anthony hummed in thought as he tried to fill the dark recess in his brain but his mind conjured nothing.

“I don’t know. I really can’t reme-”

“THINK!” Ian demanded more forcefully.

“Okay, okay! Jesus.” Anthony closed his eyes and thought back to the last moment before he woke up and took a deep breath.

“I was sitting on my bed reading that graphic novel you let me borrow. I think it was the first Scott Pilgrim book…” He swiped at patchy memories and tried to piece together his last thoughts.

“Okay,” Ian encouraged. “Then?”

“I heard a loud noise. It’s wasn’t like lightning of a gunshot. I don’t really know how to describe it. I got up from my bed and went out to the backyard to see what was going on.”

“Then what happened?” Ian asked with intense curiosity.

Anthony scrunched his eyes tighter. “I… I don’t remember anything after that. I woke up on the side of the highway outside the city and I made it to Kalel’s house, but she went nuts when she saw me and said I was cheating on her and kicked me out.”

“Oh,” Ian simply replied.

“What do you mean, ‘Oh,’?” Anthony asked as he eyed the bushy bearded man.

“By ‘oh’ I mean it’s about time she found out about you fooling around behind her back and did something about it.”

Anthony grew annoyed and stood up. “Why does everyone keep calling me a cheater? I’ve never cheated on any of my past girlfriends!”

Ian looked at him in disbelief. “Wait, you’re kidding, right? Do I even need to bring up Katie? Or did you forget about her too?!” Ian was getting more and more upset by the second. Anthony’s mouth hung open then he stood up angrily.

“I don’t know who any of these people are! Just listen! Everything’s the same, but different.”

Ian looked at him in confusion but Anthony continued.

“Look, we’re supposed to be roommates, Kalel’s supposed to be my fiancé, you’re not supposed to have a d-” he stopped himself and sighed. “You know what? Forget it. I’m crazy. I should just go and leave you and Emily alone.”

A deep sense of longing filled the tattered-clothed man; a longing for normality, for peace, for… reality. But was this reality now? Is this what he must accept as being what he must face every day now? He wasn’t ready to accept such a terrible fate. His friends and loved ones were all turning against him. Nothing seemed right. Was I in some weird coma for five years? A coma that resulted in amnesia? Was that even possible? He had no answers. Anthony was almost at the verge of tears. Never before had he ever felt so alone, so victimized and abandoned.

Ian stood up and watched him walk to the door, his wide blue eyes seeing the pain in his stance.

“W-where are you going?” he hastily blurted.

Anthony stopped but didn’t turn to face him.

“My parent’s house…” he quietly mumbled.

He heard Ian intake a quick breath; almost a choked remorseful gasp.

“A-Anthony. Your parents died a long time ago…”

Dimentions (Ch1)

Anthony woke up in a horribly uncomfortable position, groaning in pain. He felt something gritty in his mouth.

Oh. It's dirt. Great.

His face was smashed against the ground, his body was tangled up around dried up weeds, and he realized he was in some kind of ditch near a highway. He tried to force himself up, brushing off the dirt and leaves off his torn up gray flannel button-up shirt. He wished he had a jacket or hoodie of some kind because it was one hell of a cold night.

He heard a few cars zooming by near him and wondered not just how he got there, but where the hell he was, and why.

He could barely remember anything before he woke up. He looked around to see if there was anything around him and checked his pockets.

No phone. No wallet. Even better, he thought bitterly.

Well, nothing to do but walk or hitch a ride. Maybe he would recognize some kind of landmark to find out where he was. He looked out at the road and saw no cars, so he began walking towards the city lights, thus beginning his new journey for answers.


The twenty four year old had been walking for nearly an hour, his arms folded inward in an attempt at conserving body heat. No convenience stores or open shops were near him. He felt sore and tired as he walked down the road which began to turn residential. The thought of knocking on someone's door for help crossed his mind but he figured since it was about three in the morning at least, more than likely they would just call the police on him or ignore him, so he kept going.

Just as he was about to give up and wait it out until morning in some nearby bushes however, he was finally given a small glimmer of hope.

I recognize this street, he thought excitedly. This is the street Kalel lives on!

He could finally go to his beautiful, caring, fiancé's house and find some answers! He did live there on the weekends after all. Hopefully she knew what was going on more than he did.

After jogging a little more than three blocks to Kalel's house, he was relieved to see her car in the driveway as he walked up, but then something caught his eye.

That's weird. The little Smosh decal that was usually on the back's gone.

He couldn't quite put his finger on it either, but something seemed… off about the house too.

He quickly shrugged off the thought, eager to see his fiancé's delicate face and pull her into a sweet kiss and embrace.

He at least had his keys, little use they were without his car, so he could quietly open the door and come inside without waking her. He wanted her to get her rest before he bothered her with any of his problems.

Anthony slowly slid the key into the lock.

The doorknob didn't turn.


He tried turning it again but met with the same results.

Okay, that's weird too.

He thought maybe in his tired daze he had used the wrong key, but he was so sure it was the right one. Frustrated, he resorted to trying the other keys, knowing full well they wouldn't work but the door remained locked.

Looks like I'll have to knock.

He reluctantly lifted his hand to the door, only now noticing the dried blood and scratch-marks on his arm in the dim glow of the streetlight and knocked quietly.

Where did those come from?

He waited but didn't hear anything so he knocked a bit louder. He thought about going to her window and tapping on the glass when he saw the porch light come on.

Oh, good. She's finally up.

The door opened revealing a small framed young woman in a night gown.

"Sweetheart! God, I'm so glad to see y-"


"What the hell are you doing here, Anthony?!?" Kalel spat at him.

"What the-? Babe, what's with the attitude?" Anthony backed away in shock.

"Attitude? ATTITUDE?!? Are you serious?!? You actually dare to show your face around here after what you did, especially after three days of being gone and expect me not to be pissed?!" she screamed.

"Three days?" Anthony murmured to himself in shock.

"Out with your other girlfriend! Don't deny it, Anthony!"

Anthony was completely befuddled now.

"Babe, I don't have another girlfriend! I have you!"

"Don't go babe-ing me, when your necks covered in hickeys, you unfaithful bastard! I already threw out all your stuff, except this!" She held up his iPhone.

"My phone!" Anthony cried out in alarm.

"I read all your texts to that Tabitha bitch and I know all about you sneaking around with her!"

"What?!? Who's the fuck is Tabitha?" Anthony asked completely baffled.

Kalel growled and threw the phone as hard as she possibly could to the sidewalk below, causing it to shatter.

"I really hope she was worth it Anthony Padilla. Now get out of my yard before I call the police on you, you… sick bastard!" She shrieked before slamming the door in his face.

Anthony stood there and blinked.

What. The. Fuck. Was. That?!

He picked up the pieces of phone and hurried off into the street.

What the hell is wrong with her? Anthony asked himself. He had never seen her like that before, almost like she was a completely different person. He couldn't stay out there any longer but Anthony had nowhere else to go, and he had to get to the bottom of this once and for all. Kalel flipped out and kicked him out, so he set off to find the only person who could help him.

Anthony found it extremely difficult to get a lift from any of the passing cars so late at night and cursed the fact that he had no money on him, but his persistent will and determination kept him moving. His body ached from walking so far and whatever else he did before waking up on the side of the road.

After what seemed like an eternity of waving his thumb in the air, a truck finally pulled over. He sighed in relief, not caring who it was as long as he didn't have to walk any longer. Quickly running up to the passenger door and opening it, he overly thanked the driver, an older blonde-haired woman with a slight southern twang and a trucker hat.

"Come on in, I'll take ya where ya need ta go. Name's Barbara."

"I'm Anthony," he replied. "Thank you again. I've been walking for hours, I really appreciate it."

"No problem honeybun." She eyed him from her seat. "Looks like you had an interestin' night. So what's a pretty, bruised up boy like you doing walking around here so late at night?"

Anthony was a little unsure of how to explain himself.

"Well, to be honest, I really don't know myself. My fiancé just kicked me out of her house for something I didn't even do and before that I woke up on the side of the highway. I don't really remember much before that."

"Hmm," Barbara responded thoughtfully. "Sounds like you're in one heap of a mess, cutie pie!"

"Yeah," Anthony mumbled sadly.

"S'where ya headed?"

A while later and a bit of small talk later they had finally made it.

"Thanks again for the lift!" Anthony called out to the woman.

"No problem. You're a real sweet kid. I'm sure she'll come around," she called out as she drove off. He made a half smile as he watched her drive away.


Anthony turned and looked up at the simple Californian suburban home that now stood in front of him. He noticed the scattered toys in the yard and the grass overgrowth.

"Damn neighborhood kids," he mumbled.

Birds began chirping around him in the early hours of the day as he stepped up to the door, hoping his key would work this time.

This time however, he couldn't even find the key in his set.

"Oh, come on!" he groaned out loud.

Feeling a creeping sense of déjà vu he decided against his better judgment to knock on the door, right below the "No Solicitors" sign and wait.

I hope he's not pissed at me too, he thought. He continued waiting, feeling a cold chill creep up on him.

Finally, he heard the door unlock and was greeted to the sight of a yawning, scruffy, unshaven man with a dark bowl haircut and pajamas.

"A-Anthony?!" He asked, a fist rubbing against his eye. "What are you do-,"

"Ian!" Anthony smiled happily, hugging the yawning man. "Holy shit, dude! You would not believe the night I just had! It's so fucking good to be back home!"

He felt the shorter man under him become uncomfortably ridged so he released him and let himself into the house.

"A-Anthony, you-" Ian tried to begin.

"Ian I really need to talk to someone. I honestly have no idea what's going on. You're never going to believe me, man."

Ian gestured him to be quiet and started shaking his head.

"Oh, sorry dude. Do you have a girl over?" Anthony whispered. Just then he heard tiny footsteps coming from behind him.

There was a little girl in the hallway.


Ian slipped into the covers, the room darkened with only the dim lighting of the moon shining through his window. He heaved a breathy sigh as his eyes, resting on the digital clock reading 11:03, began to close and he thought about the things that happened throughout that day. The way Anthony's hand brushed against his arm, the way he laughed at Ian's stupid joke about pigeons as he threw them a french fry, the way his face said a lot more than words could when he mentioned how much he really loved being in Smosh, their creation; their brainchild that no one could ever take away from them. Ian was so lucky to have Anthony there. He felt blessed and sometimes he couldn't really put into words what Anthony meant to him. He couldn't describe the warm feelings he felt when Anthony's presence was there. Nothing could ever compare. Ian felt giddy just thinking about him. Why did Anthony mean so much to him? Why did he stick around for so long, after all this time, so many relentless years? What was this feeling tingling within in, that began as a flicker and now was like a bursting flare of warmth and passion? Was it more than just friendship? Could it be... love? 

Five Stages (Ch1)

It was a pretty tough pill to swallow.

Ian didn't even bother trying.

Chapter 1: Denial

Ian scratched his head with his pencil as his pale blue eyes glared down at his textbook. He then glanced over to his assignment and realized he hadn't even finished the first sentence on number one. "God, I frickin' hate word problems," he muttered, flipping his pencil around and erasing the sentence he spend twenty minutes working on for the third time. He looked over to the clock on his nightstand. Four forty-five. Not as late as I thought. His thoughts were drifting to and fro when he suddenly found himself wondering what Anthony was up to.

He envisioned Anthony at his computer listening to some sweet ass music he downloaded from Napster while playing a round of Halo and chugging Mt. Dew. He wished he were with him hanging out too. Ian fondly recalled coming over to Anthony's house in the evenings, ordering pizza and watching movies for a while because his mother didn't want to fuss with dinner sometimes. It was really nice, too. Anthony's mom loved having him over so he didn't think calling him up for a sleepover would be such a bad idea. They haven't had one in a few weeks so of course Anthony would agree to one! Ian scooted himself off the messy bed and searched around his room for his flip phone but couldn't find it anywhere. Dammit, I’ll have to use the house phone, he silently cursed in defeat as he walked out into the living room where his mother was folding the linens.

"Hey mom, I'm gonna stay at Anthony's tonight," he casually mentioned as he made his way toward the home phone to call him. “Is Anthony's mother okay with that?” She asked in her usual concerned motherly way. Ian's mother always asked him the same question and the answer was always “yes” but he always ended up asking Anthony's mother's permission anyway because he was raised to be somewhat respectful to adults, despite his occasional troublesome attitude when he didn’t think her rules were fair. “I was just gonna call right now so Anthony could ask her,” he answered back, picking up the receiver and dialing Anthony's number. Ian's mother nodded and continued to fold the sheets and place them in the laundry basket glancing up at her son as he dialed Anthony's number.

He let his mind wander as he listened to the ringing on the other end of the receiver. Ian thought about class the other day as he waited, the stupid homework, the track practice...

His mind drifted back to that dreadful asthma attack as he struggled to find that damn little piece of plastic and metal that he couldn't survive without when such an attack struck. It was painful and humiliating having to run off from practice just to breathe easier but he knew it would be even more demeaning if the team saw their star player in such a weakened terrible state. Anthony always told him he shouldn't care what others thought of him and letting his cross country team know he has asthma wasn't really that big of a deal. He didn't believe it though but he would always sigh a "Yeah..." then return to his normal secretive behavior the next meet.

Anthony always tried cheering him up one way or another. It was that really admirable quality of his that made him glad they were close enough friends to confide in each other at times. Sure, there was Andy, Jake, and Floyd to hang out with too, but Anthony was different. Anthony had this kind of allure to him, this infectiously warm smile that always made him smile too, no matter how bad everything seemed. He couldn't remember having a best friend as close as he was and he regretted that they didn’t try becoming closer friends during middle school. Ian remembered how they would talk and hang out a bit after they met in the sixth grade as part of the group but nothing really transpired until high school when Ian's parents finally told him he needed to either start paying rent or move out. His mother, of course, was the more lenient one but his dad didn't want Ian to be spending all his time on the computer while fiddling around with that damn camera of his. So he was stuck with the dilemma most teenage boys his age were in: No money, no job, and definitely no car.

"How the hell am I supposed to get a job if I don't have a car to drive there? I need money for a car but I need a job to get money but I need a car to go to a job?!" His head swam in circles as he pondered the dilemma for weeks.

It was when he explained, or rather complained, to the group of this dilemma that he found none of them to be helpful at all, not even in the slightest.

Except Anthony. He was the only one who didn't just offer advice but actually offered to drive him around so he could find a job and save for his first car in exchange for lunch (which came easy as they loved pizza and Ian found a job at a pizzeria) and a few rounds of Halo which quickly turned into late nights where Ian had to phone his mom asking if he could stay over since it was "already late" and he "might as well." He loved that excuse the most. Hanging out with Anthony just felt so natural and was so fun. Plus he knew exactly how to make him laugh. It was like a special talent of his. It happened so often yet Ian was always proud of every moment he was able to get even the slightest curve on Anthony's lips going. And Anthony, well, Anthony somehow had his own power over Ian. Ever since he stepped up and filled the void Ian never knew he had, Anthony had his own special way of showing he wasn't just another one of his “bros”. He listened to his problems and began confiding in him, building a trust between them that he didn't share with any of his other friends. He didn't find excuses or blow him off after making plans and he kept his word when he could.

"Yes," Ian thought to himself one day, "This is what a friendship is supposed to be like."

It was like discovering another piece of yourself; one that fit perfectly into your existence and made you rediscover what you thought you had lost, but really never had. Anthony was that piece. Everything from his laugh that he thought was annoying (Ian liked it but never told him), to the pressed little indents on his cheekbones that showed where his dimples were on his constantly flushed face (he claimed he can't help that his cheeks are always red, which was kind of adorable.) All the way to his sarcastic yet loving personality. Everything he did gave Ian a sense of appreciation and amenity.

Just like on that day when Anthony's warm, tender smile was directed towards him in the school bathroom as they held each other closely. One could almost say...intimately perhaps. Never before had he felt so secure, so warm and happy in his arms.


Almost immediately he felt blood coursing up to his face and he began to heat up, remembering that warm secure feeling he felt as he pressed himself against his worried friend that warm, faithful spring day. He remembered inhaling the deep rich scent of his Polo Black cologne as Anthony's warm hands gently pressed Ian closer. Almost as quickly as he began to drift back into a plethora of enticingly comforting emotions however he suddenly grew startled at his own unnatural thoughts and quickly halted them.

Whoa! The fuck...? He scolded himself trying his hardest to shake off the now aggravating thoughts. He bit his lip and tried to fight off the heat rushing to his face. "No, no, no, no, no…" he whispered to his brain for thinking such a thing. “Stop it!”

He must have been feeling the beginning symptoms of a heat stroke. That had to be the most logical explanation for his behavior that day! He finally found an answer that convincingly satisfied his troubled mind but before he could fully relax though the ringing on the other end abruptly came to a halt and he heard a soft familiar male voice on the other end of the line.


One simple word from the older of the two was all it took to break down his barricaded defenses and snap him back into reality. Shit! I forgot I was on the phone with Anthony!

"Uh... h-hey Anthony," he stuttered then cursed himself momentarily.

"Hey dude! What's up?" The sudden cheerful rise in Anthony's voice when he realized he was talking to Ian gave him that strange sense of contentment that he felt before again and he couldn’t focus very well. “Oh, I’m just chilling at home trying to finish my English homework. You?” Anthony scoffed. “Pfft! I finished that crap hours ago! You should come over if you need help with it. Come on. We can play Halo afterward!” Ian grinned widely. “What the fuck, dude! It’s like you can read my mind or something! Can you ask your mom if I can stay the night?” He heard Anthony cover the speaker and yell “Ma! Can Ian stay the night?” Ian continued beaming. “She said yes! Get your scrawny ass over here, dickstick!” Ian laughed. “Alright, see you in a few.” He heard a “Later” from the phone before hanging up and smiled, letting the sound of Anthony’s voice ring in his ears for a few moments.

“Do you always do that when you get off the phone with Anthony?”

Ian jumped and remembered he wasn’t alone in the room. “Fuck mom! I forgot you were here!” Ian’s mom smiled and shook her head. Oh god this is so embarrassing he thought as his face turned red and ducked out of the room. “She said yes. I’m going to Anthony’s. Bye mom!” Ian quickly yelled rushing to his room to pack his things.

He was going to Anthony’s house and was really excited about it, but NOT because he had any feelings or whatever for him. Hell no. He strictly only felt friendship. Always had, always will.